stolen colours

I’m in love with Death Cab for Cutie!
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The Raffles Ringers will be performing at the Esplanade Recital Studio on 20th August (Saturday), tickets priced at $18. Who’d like to go?
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I lost my notebook in TTSH on Friday, it’s blue both sides and consists of unlined paper that’s binded in a binding ring. The notes inside pertain to clinical examination. Have you seen it?
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I was talking to a friend I met in the first year of university, and after a while the conversation turned to relationships. It started out fine and self-deprecatingly funny on both sides, him saying “… e.g. I’m still pretty good friends with my ex.” I got interested – this was the first time he’d admitted he had an ex – and started asking more. He willingly provided details e.g. “she doesn’t like online gaming”, “she’s bugging me to get attached”, then mused, “All the good memories are coming back.”

After that, somehow, the whole story came out. About how the breakup back in JC was his fault, and how he ended up blaming himself every day for the better part of two years before he finally got over it. About how the girl had the right to be angry at him, then got attached to one of his best friends right before his eyes; how he couldn’t cold-war either her or her new boyfriend, because, well, the latter was part of his clique; how he kept everything inside, choosing not to seek comfort from his friends because they were all part of the same clique as him and that best friend and wouldn’t be able to remain impartial; how he put up a crazily happy-go-lucky front to hide the emptiness within – none of us new classmates suspected, I think. His friends were concerned, but didn’t dare contact him as they weren’t sure how he was reacting.

Throughout the past two years, he decided not to say anything till he was sure he’d finally gotten over it because he knew that he’d end up sounding bitter and saying negative things about the girl if he hadn’t. A sacrifice on his part, but he said, “I did it ‘cos i really (think, even now) that I loved her. Someone once told me that if you love someone you’d be prepared to let them go ‘cos it’s selfish to hold on. In another life maybe, I’d want to be with her again.”

I’ve heard phrases like that countless times, in movies and novels, but I started crying when I read that (we were chatting online). “It’s ironic how popular culture mimics real life,” he reflected. I’m just so glad he’s okay now, even managing to patch up with his ex – she’s now a friend he trusts with his life, in a friendship that’s been tried to the ultimate. The conversation ended with my friend trying to cheer things up. He’s going to be the best man when she marries his best friend, he says.

It’s not the perfect happy ending, but I suppose it is one, in a bittersweet way. As long as both are still around in each other’s lives, does it really matter so much whether they’re together or not?

I wish I could publish this post, but it’s not my story, not my right to. Too many people who know my friend read this blog, including himself.

I went to Settler’s Cafe with some of the CoRngress – Seamonkey, Pao, Shmeen and Alanna. It’s amazing when everyone turns up before the stipulated time. At Settler’s we played Cranium – it’s so much fun with the CoRngress, though Shmeen and Pao had really bad luck – and Munchkins. (I was an elven thief! Seamonkey too!)

After that Pao left and the rest of us went to hang around at Plaza Singapura. I FINALLY bought that pair of sandals from EXODUS that I’ve been eyeing for weeks, at $10 off the original price ‘cos it’s the Great Singapore Sale now. XD. Then waited till kakita appeared so we could all gawk at him, then left to meet my parents at Harbourfront. I bought a new bag there, Mother paid. We went to B.I.G, where I was spellbound by a 2000 live performance of “Hotel California” by the Eagles. They don’t make songs like that nowadays.

May Day’s Chao Ren is back on my radioblog because a reader complained that I took it off. I’m very happy people appreciate the radioblog, if you want songs that I’ve taken off back up, do tell me. The song that autoplays now is by Embrace, at rie’s recommendation.
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Today we had two Neurology tutorials *dead* there’s just so much, and you have to get the patient to understand your complex instructions instead of just being a human doll, preferably without a sensory system, like in the other system examinations.

Left the hospital at 9pm. We ended the tutorial at 7+, then saw MOs going home before we did ^^;; I was waiting at the lobby for the others, with labcoat still on. Three people came up to me to ask for directions. “How do I get to ward 5C?” I think the hospital staff take it for granted that the wards are named according to storey. And in the lift a visitor started chatting with me, asking if I was a medical student, which year of study I was in etc etc. Oh, did I mention that some time ago, a patient started talking to me in the lift ‘cos I was examining the patient in the bed next to him 10 minutes ago? He’s Justine’s uncle leh
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I discovered Death Cab For Cutie yesterday. I was actually searching for songs on radioblogclub.com just to listen; I left the radioblogs on and the playlist got to this song that caught my attention.

I gave Xtine a lift to Serangoon MRT today since the poor girl wasn’t feeling well. In the car we heard the May Day rock version of some Fish Leong song. Xtine woke up from her stupor and said, “I prefer the Fish Leong one.” I personally felt that rock’s better than pop anytime when it comes to the Chinese music scene. It was only after Xtine had gotten off that the DJ revealed that May Day was the one behind the cover. *yay* I guessed right.

I think my philosophy to approaching patients is this: Don’t do anything to a patient that I wouldn’t want a medical student doing to my mother if she were hospitalised. Sometimes that makes me a bit too considerate, I cut short interviews and examinations or compromise on the details if I think that the patient is getting tired or uncomfortable. aiyah. At my expense?
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Thanks, all of you who commented on that previous post. I have been in the positions of A and B before.

The Bao is back in town XD So Corngregation this Saturday afternoon.
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Here’s another algebraic situation.

A, B and C are doing something. A decides on a different mode of action. B thinks it would be better to stay as they are as it is not guaranteed that their position will be improved upon taking the new course of action. A restates A’s case, saying (perhaps even threatening), “If we don’t do this, then when?” In the end, A, B and C take A’s suggestion. Unfortunately, they later discover that their new position is extremely disappointing, and they’d have been better off staying where they were, especially since the target they were aiming for by changing action actually appeared in their former place after they’d left.

[Of course, this is a gross simplifcation. For the sake of completeness, one must look at the validity of A's argument for the second mode of action, and B's argument for not wanting to take that mode of action.]

Naturally, all are unhappy. If A had been alone, he would have just been disappointed, but accepted the responsibilty of his choice. However, B and C did not choose the action out of their own volition, but still suffered the consequences, albeit rather unforeseen ones. They might even be harbouring resentment towards A.

So, A now feels guilt, in addition to disappointment. A wonders, “If they didn’t want to follow my suggestion, they could have voiced it out and stood their ground in the first place. But now they might be blaming me and making me feel guilt that I wouldn’t have to feel if they’d over-ruled me back then.” A now thinks, why be nice and give in, only to inflict guilt later? It’s a beautifully moral scenario, isn’t it? B displays as consideration for A by giving in, and later attains a position of superiority over A, because A’s decision turned out to be erroneous, as well as portrays himself as a victim of A.

Of course, it might be that A is imagining things, and that B and C both understand that unfortunate things do happen, and no one is to blame. This post isn’t as coherent as I’d like it to be.

Had a mini JC gathering today at Holland V Settler’s. They opened late (grr) and delivered food late (grr). We had 7 people, so the games we could play were sorely limited; ended up doing lots of pictionary and charade-based games >